Making Space

Recently a friend of mine was married. And that got me to thinking. I want to write something about it. Ok – so people get married every day. How does this precipitate a blog post?

This friend knew before he met his bride that he was going to get married. It wasn’t an arranged marriage or anything like that. You see, he was divorced – (again… what makes this so special?) his wife left him a couple of years ago, for his best friend (ouch! Right? Still…). He told me on the day his divorce was final that he was going to remarry. He figured he would blow through a few girlfriends quickly on his way to seeking out the right one, and then “poof!” he would find his princess and that would be it.

I was skeptical. I’ve been on my own for 13 years. I’ve kissed my share of frogs, but haven’t found any princes yet. When my friend rented my vacant apartment (a 2 bedroom behemoth), and sparsely furnished it, I asked him, “are you sure?” Yes, he was sure. He didn’t expect to live there long. Five months in, on his birthday, he was crying on my shoulder after a couple of pitchers of beer… he hadn’t found that right one yet.

Oh come on! 5 months? Five months? You’re kidding!

He was serious. And he was distraught. He thought it would go faster than this.

He dated – and introduced me to a few of the women. One gal claimed to be something she wasn’t. (Single) True, her husband wasn’t living with her, but they were still married, and hadn’t filed divorce papers. Of course, my friend didn’t know this. But I suspected there was a problem, and felt bad for him when the truth came out.

Fast forward a few months. My friend not only now has a girlfriend – but he’s suddenly never home. (Good for him, right?). Another month, he tells me he might be moving out soon. A month later, he moved out. Well, sort of. He took his clothes and his computer, but left everything else behind. All those things he picked up at Goodwill and yard sales. (not that he had much) His living arrangement was intended to be temporary. You see, he expected to move in with someone who was already established. He expected not to be there long. And that is exactly how it went. He didn’t want to have to worry about blending his stuff with hers.

How simple is that? My friend only had those things he absolutely needed to survive. The rest was disposable. Of course, he had baggage, rather than luggage. But she seems to have accepted that. They were married last month.

This post has already gotten long-winded.

Another friend recently gave up her house, rented a loft apartment and seriously downsized. Amazingly, not long after she did that, she “fell” into a relationship.

In my 13 years of singledom, I’ve collected stuff… luggage… to go along with my baggage. I own 2 houses. (yikes!) I have a lot of stuff too. I have tools, kitchenware and furniture, for starters. I look around my house and realize I look like I’m settled in for a long, cold spell.

I’ve been working slowly at it – but I’ve been decorating my house exactly the way I want it. I can do that – I don’t have anyone else’s opinion to consider. I painted my living room green – because I could. I’ve planted what I want in my garden and flower beds. Am I sending out a message that I want to be single forever? In my quest for individualism, am I excluding someone else? Have I filled my life, put my roots too deep… and not left room for someone else?

This realization actually hit me before my friend married – after he moved out of the apartment. In January, I started weeding through my junk. Now – my house has never looked like one of those places on “Hoarders”, but I had more stuff than I needed. I’ve sold some stuff, given some away… and there have been a few bags of trash hauled to the curb too. I’m downsizing. Time to make myself less permanent…

I’m not ready to give up my house yet. I sort of like my little house, unfinished and all. Besides – after all those years in the duplex, I’m not all that interested in sharing a wall with someone I don’t know. Renting just doesn’t grab me. But I am clearing out some space. Just in case.